New Profile It's a little bland right now, but I'm planning on making it prettier. :)

My last Latin test (ever, if everything goes according to plan--which it probably won't) is tomorrow, and I'm going to study during open lab. I'm tired and it's not worth it. I think stress has taken a toll on my friends and I. Another girl fainted the other day. One of my friends spent the entire night waking up every half hour. I went to bed at two and woke up at five to study some more.

Anyway, I'm not legally allowed to talk about the AP for another eh...36 hours. But it wasn't that bad. My teacher's tests were harder. And the length that these people go to to try and prevent cheating is kind of funny. But more of that later. I'm going to take a shower and go to bed...hopefully having dreams full of glitter, in which everyone skips and sings together. :P

Anyway...Grey's post, hitting the flist hard and fast, catching up on memes...that's all going to happen later. I get my math test back tomorrow, and my chemistry teacher uncancelled (yeah, uncancelled...who knew that you could even do that?) our test. She'd first decided to make it optional, then she cancelled it. Then people asked to take it, so now it's mandatory for everyone.

Fair? Not really. I'd gotten my hopes up!!! *sighs* We'll see how this goes. You have a great day, in whatever time zone you're in. :)

My eye's still red and easily irritated. For a while, I couldn't hold them open for more than a few seconds and was scared because I was basically walking around blind. It's not pink eye because they're not itchy...just painful.

Other than that, it was a pretty good day at school. I got an 87 on the English test everyone thought they failed, so I'm thanking God for that one. There's no way I could have guessed all those answers right on my own. My chemistry teacher cancelled the last test, so my final quarter grade in that class is a 92, meaning that I can take AP Biology senior year if I still want to (which I think I will). I did a little happy dance. All I have to do is worry about the final now!!! So, let's look at the final fourth quarter standings, shall we?

Honors Chemistry: 92
AP World History: 93
Honors English: ?
Honors Algebra 2/Trig: ?
Latin 2: ?
Catholicism: ?
Choir: ? 

They've narrowed down the fall musical selections to two choices: Birds of Paradise or Strike 12. It's probably going to be the former, since Strike 12 is a holiday musical...and we'd be doing it in September. The tryout is going to be the day we get out of school, which means that I will take my chemistry final and literally report for tryouts. Anyway, that doesn't matter right now.

MY AP WORLD HISTORY TEST IS TOMORROW!!!

I'm not nervous--can't you tell? *goes back to studying like mad*

Today was kinda crappy.

There was the last math test--ON FREAKING PROBABILITY OF ALL THINGS!!! Who knew probability could be hard? I studied for a while, but I just couldn't get the picture of what was going on in my head, you know? So that sucked.

Then I went to chemistry. My teacher wasn't there, and she'd left us three problems to do--none of which we were able to do because we didn't know which way to do it!!! (Acids and bases...should I use Ka or Kb? kind of thing)

At this point, my eye was really starting to hurt, so I went to the bathroom and checked. My eye was RED which meant that I'd scratched my eyeball again, and I didn't want to take out the contact because then I wouldn't be able to see (I have really bad eyes).

I skipped lunch so I could sit in and do extra studying for the AP World exam. By English, I actually did take out the contact--I couldn't keep my eye open anymore, and it was really starting to swell and be uncomfortable. I went through the rest of the day with one eye (which seriously screws up your depth perception--you try filling out a ScanTron like that--everything was a little to the left and never in the bubble!!!) and a headache on the right side of my head. I don't have glasses because our insurance doesn't cover them. I'm going to have to go to school with one eye again tomorrow.

And it's just pissing me off. I'm so tired of school and so scared that I'm not going to be able to hold up my grades to the end. Meanwhile, I'm still not sleeping and appear to be developing some weird form of insomnia.

Anyway, don't get me wrong. The day wasn't all bad. My swim coach's daughter's baby was born, as well as the orchestra director's baby. And I have tons of new icons!!! *points* My voice teacher had her daughter's dog at my lesson, so I got to practice singing while trying to see how long I could hold Audrey's (the dog's name) attention with a paper tube. Then she ate a cockroach. Then my voice teacher told me that I should spend more time watching Kristin sing so that I could pay attention to the way she keeps the back of her throat open (allowing for superly awesome high notes that I didn't even know I had :D:D:D). So yeah. That's my homework.

Alright, so I'm off to do more work. I'm going to get around to commenting, I promise!!! Though I might not be around as much (then again, with the opportunity for procrastination, I might be). Anyway, I leave you with this lovely video my music teacher sent me. Remember "Taylor the Latte Boy"? Well, someone wrote a response.
( Taylor's Response (warning: swear word that rhymes with 'witch' )

Today was my birthday, and it went quite well. I got to wear free dress to school (I rocked a Mickey Mouse t-shirt--pink and silvery, of course--and a flower wreath). My friends gave me so much food (in addition to the cheesecake I brought--I'm taking brownies, more cupcakes than you can imagine, Hello Kitty fruit snacks, candy, and cookies) that my very nice open lab teacher gave me a trash bag to carry it all around in. I also got glitter. And cards that had glitter in them. And cards that played music. Gabe gave me the Wicked novel *squeal*, Hitch, P.S. I Love You, and a very nice butterfly necklace with a note in it. He wrapped everything in gold and silver wrapping paper, and it was just so sweet. He came over for my lunchtime birthday party, though he had to leave early to study for his AP. He even brought Stephen, one of my other friends from my old school who hardly ever comes out from his mountain of studying, to see me. :) And Kirby burned me the Idina Menzel CD!!! :D:D:D

My friends were fantastic. They sang happy birthday embarassingly loud. Potato was nice to me and gave me this heart box she made in art class (it sounds like something a little kid would do, but she's really good at everything artistic, so it was great). My aunt Nanette sent me this flower thing...(I might post pictures later, but I have SO many things to do right now)...it looks like a cake with a candle in it, but it's made of flowers...gorgeous and just the type of thing she'd do. My aunt Susie called me, and a ton of my friends texted. :)

Thanks to janey_xox and samanthaaaxoxo, btw. You guys rock. :D Shoutout to choir_girl904, lovejustlied, and  sheylalovealso. :D And really, all my flist. You guys are so amazing in so many different ways. :)

That said, I'm going to be honest. And I'm only going to be honest here, because I can't let this out at home or anywhere. I know I go to school with some of you, but if you see this, I'm fine with it.

I laughed and smiled so much today. I also spent a large part of the day crying. I think this was why I was hesitant for my birthday in the first place. Not that I didn't appreciate anything that anyone did. I was so happy, and at the same time, it hurt. Today, I'm sixteen. I spent the entire day exhausted because I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep since Saturday and I'm stressed about five thousand different things. I don't have time to celebrate my birthday.

And my dad didn't live to see this.

Yeah, I said it.

I hate admitting that it gets to me. I wasn't close to my dad. I might have been once, but our relationship really sucked. He was such a nice person to everyone else but my mother. I know that he hated being at home with us, and he found pretty much any excuse to get out. He tried to be a good dad to my sister and I, but he just wasn't around enough. And by the time he figured that out, my sister and I had already blocked him out. That wasn't going to change. And so he got farther away and my sister and I let him. My mom and dad were even worse. They had this wall up between them. And I hate, hate, hate, hate that I had to wait for my dad to die before realizing that my parents actually did love each other...at least my mom loved him. I can't speak for my dad.

I hated that he always told me that he was proud of me and that he pretty much believed that I could do anything, because every time I didn't live up to that, I felt his disappointment. At the same time, he was kind of in denial that I couldn't do...whatever. And then he was never there...to the point that I didn't want him to be there.

I hate admitting that his death affects me. I hate admitting that I'm letting something like this affect my happiness. That sounds so selfish, but I'm sixteen. And all I could do when my friends were telling me happy birthday was smile and thank them and try not to cry. And even though he wasn't around, I know that he would have been here for this. He was into the whole sixteen-and-driving thing. It was like this big rite of passage for him.

Part of me thinks that he wanted to leave...and that's why he was so daring all the time. I think that a couple of years ago, he gave up on life. I think he hated who he was and considered himself a failure. I think that's why he got the motorcycle. That's why he didn't go the the doctor. That's why everything happened the way it did. That's why I had to come home and see what I saw.

The other part, the rational part, tells me that it was just his time to go and there was nothing anyone could have done. But I was part of that. I contributed to the way he felt about himself. It just felt like he didn't care...a clean break was better than continually waiting for something wasn't going to come.

I guess I can dig down deeper than this...to the whole compulsive thing and the continuously-trying-to-please people thing and the fear of disappointment thing. But that doesn't matter right now, so I'm not going to do it.

But that...all that up there...that's the truth. I hate it, and though today was amazing, I hate it and I can't wait for it to end.

Anyway, I should probably start on my homework.